Tuesday, April 26, 2016

Rants Of A Happy, Grumpy Woman

It's funny to me when others assume one has strict moral standards because one is happy to acquiesce to those principles or one is drunk on authoritative control over the masses or simply because they feel more superior than all of society because they can, like a mindless drone, follow orders. Having values that society interprets as "conservative", whatever that word means anymore, has never been about what makes me happy, what I desire or feel pleasurable about, nor has it ever been about some unseen reward waiting for me in glory someday or about the praise and adoration of elders or peers. My personal morals have been all about me and my soul and it's communication with a Holy Spirit from a crucified and resurrected Savior from a loving and merciful God.

Sexuality is a moral issue to me. Human sexuality in particular is very sacred, personal and life producing whether in the physical presence of children or the spiritual and emotional tangibility of making love. Just like the next young adult female, I innately want to explore and share my sexuality with another like minded human being. (This desire is normal for teenagers as well, however my teen years were spent focusing on my survival due to the trauma of childhood sexual assault. It was not until around two years of therapy as an adult that I realized my sexuality wasn't dirty or tainted but a natural part of being human.) It's a very tender, personal part of me and having not been able to completely engage with another in this way has led to frustrating and scary sadness. 

I don't make the decision of abstinence, until I am in a safe and mutually respected, responsible and loving relationship, lightly. It's downright miserable to choose the lifestyle entitled "virgin". It's not for those who have flippant, whimsical morals for they would just justify liaisons. Virgin shouldn't be a claimed status due to reserving one's body for another. Virgin should be claimed with power and dignity because one takes into account their own body, hopes, thoughts, feelings and dreams and says "no" to all that is manipulative and controlling and abusive. The reason for virginity isn't to satisfy the perverted ends of others. It's a choice for those who are looking to discover and embrace their sexuality on their terms. When I do decide to have sex, it will be because my thoughts, my feelings, my values and my body are cherished. It's really not un-lovability or brokenness on my part why I have chosen virgin, though it may feel like it at times. It's really a sad commentary that there are many like me and no other person has yet to treat those like me nor myself with the God given love we deserve, and would rather offer exploitation of our innocence based on their so called concern for our physical health and lust for our flesh. Don't offer to teach me lessons based on your perceptions and wants, rather find someone with your moral values and stop forcing me to be someone I'm not. How long I stay a virgin is not up to you or anyone else but me and my God.

Everyone's feelings of what comes "naturally" to them in sexual attraction is so diverse that it's such a flimsy argument to just go with whatever one feels his or her body desires. I have come to despise the labels of straight and gay and the logic behind going with whatever makes you happy. The Bible wasn't just written in the 21st century so it doesn't even address the concept of sexual orientation. God condemns sexual practices,  never the person and his or her orientation. With this mindset, heterosexuality has just as many moral issues as homosexuality. Sexual practices in the Bible are condemned because they stem from pride and lust and this includes defilement inside marriage, rape, pedophilia, incest, adultery, pornography and fornication. This is a huge list of opposite gender disparities as well as same gender disparities.  Christians say the Bible says and God says blah blah blah a lot, including myself. This is just my rant of how this culture and more importantly to me, church culture, is lifting up heterosexuality as the answer to America's problems. Genesis 19 and Judges 19 show what a mess Israel made of their own women citizens by believing this lie. While I believe it is beneficial to search out one's sexuality, a person's sexuality is never the answer to identity or social issues. Looking inside oneself has benefits, for the soul resides in our inner thoughts, but sometimes searching and researching in outside sources lifts up a mirror to our most vulnerable self. My biased opinion is to reflect the Bible onto one's mind and heart for oneself and see what conclusions a body comes too. 

Intolerant Tolerance

I am intolerant.
I am intolerant of disrespect.
I am intolerant of harassment.
I am intolerant of abusive behavior.
I am intolerant of dishonesty.
I am intolerant of harmful behavior in my personal space and the space of others.
I am intolerant of treating human lives like trash regardless of age and location.
I am intolerant of media bias.
I am intolerant of the redefinition of words.
I am intolerant of the vilification of groups of people.
I am tolerant of opinions, preferences and choices of other people because I tolerate living at peace with all men but when another's behavior inflicts pain and discomfort on my world, my community, my neighbor and myself I become intolerant out of the dignity and sanctity of the rights of living souls.

Sunday, April 24, 2016

April 2016 Sexual Assault Awareness Poem

I Am Not Your Sacrificial Lamb
by Rebekah S. Palmer

alabaster worm leering
in my face
"put your mouth over it"
I tell him no
afraid he is going to
pee in my mouth
my five year old mind
DOES NOT UNDERSTAND
what is happening
he keeps begging
promises he won't pee
in my mouth
I decide to do what
he asks
just to get out
of spending what must be years
in this closet

I can't remember if this
happened one time
or twenty
I started letting
my feelings
drain
from my body
in these kinds of
situations.

at age FIVE
I was taught the lesson
a man's sexual desires
are ubiquitous

he pushes me away
and out
at the sound
of my brother's
footsteps
I work on forgetting
this ever happened
but as I grow older
too many comments
by too many boys
bring me back inside
that dark closet
dank, putrid sweat
is still in my nose
after all these years...

I start to speak out
only to be silenced
because adults are
embarrassed
confused
guilty
protective
shameful
insecure
oppressed
worried
well...

now I'm the adult
and I'm telling
sharing
revealing
writing
opening
undressing
my life
no secrets

at age 5...a teenage babysitter
at age 11...a teenager on a school bus
at age 16...a male teacher feigned concern over my disabled body
at age 21...the head deacon of a radical denomination forces fondles
at age 24...a male peer demanded sexual activity
at age 27...online requests and harassment for sex
at age 28...a date refuses to stop when told no

authorities need to stop predators
from using their victims as
an excuse for their sins


 https://twloha.com/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ra-Om7UMSJc

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ocDlOD1Hw9k

Saturday, March 8, 2014

Friendship

In my daily devotional, I found a wonderful description of what being a friend is all about:

What's a good friend for?
Propping open hearts and airing moldy moods.
Lighting up dark hallways through sad and lonely memories.
Hanging high aspirations and replanting hope.
Hauling heavy worries and pulling stumps of anger.
Shading tender shoots of joy that venture upward through the muck.
Grounding flighty passions during electrical storms of temptation.
Shielding fragile egos from the harsh winds of criticism.
Mending broken dreams and sharing golden moments.
A good friend is a friend for good.

Who needs a friend anyway?
Only those who need someone to laugh with.
Only those who need someone to listen,
someone to love,
someone to care.
Only those who need someone.
Only those who need.
Only all of us.

-Ann Luna

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Monday, January 13, 2014

Poem for the New Year

LORD THANK You for another day,
Within this life of mine.
Give me strength to live it well,
Whatever I may find.
Bestow from Your abundance,
Whatever I may lack
To use the hours wisely,
For I cannot have them back.

Lord thank you for another day,
In which to make amends
For little slights or petty words
Inflicted on my friends.
For sometimes losing patience
With problems that I find.
For seeing faults in other lives,
But not the ones in mine.

Lord thank you for another chance
In which to try to be
A little more deserving
Of the gifts You've given me.
For yesterday is over,
And tomorrow's far away,
And I remain committed,
To the good I do today!

-Grace E. Easley

Hope is wishing a thing to come true.
Faith is believing that it will!

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

A Twist on T'was the Night...

T'was the Night...
-Margie Knight, submitted to a newspaper by Heidl Hayes

T'was the night before Jesus came
and all through the house,
Not a creature was praying, not one
in the house.
Their Bibles were lain on the shelf
without care,
In hopes that Jesus would not come
there.
The children were dressing to crawl
into bed.
Nor once ever kneeling or bowing a
head.
Mom in her rocker with the baby on
her lap,
Was watching the Late Show while
I took a nap.
When out of the east there arose
such a clatter,
I sprang to my feet to see what was
the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a
flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up
the sash.
When what to my wondering eyes
should appear,
But angels proclaiming that Jesus
was here.
With a light like the sun sending
forth a bright ray,
I knew in a moment this must be the
day.
The light of his face made me cover
my head.
It was Jesus returning, just as he
said.
And though I possessed worldly
wisdom and wealth,
I cried when I saw him in spite of
myself.
In the "Book of Life" which he held
in his hand,
Was written the name of every
saved man.
He spoke not a word as he searched
for my name,
When he said, "It's not here!" my
head hung in shame.
The people whose names had been
written with love,
He gathered to take to his father
above,
With those who were ready he rose
without sound,
When all the rest were left standing
around.
I fell to my knees, but it was too late!
I had waited too long, and thus sealed
my fate.
I stood and I cried as they rose out of
sight.
Oh! If only we had been ready tonight.
In the words of this poem, the meaning
is clear,
The coming of Jesus is fast drawing
near,
There's only one life and when
comes the last call,
We'll find that the Bible was true
after all.

Revelation 1:7
Behold, he cometh with clouds; and every eye shall see him,
and they also which pierced him: and all kindreds of the earth
shall wail because of him. Even so, Amen.