Tuesday, April 26, 2016

Rants Of A Happy, Grumpy Woman

It's funny to me when others assume one has strict moral standards because one is happy to acquiesce to those principles or one is drunk on authoritative control over the masses or simply because they feel more superior than all of society because they can, like a mindless drone, follow orders. Having values that society interprets as "conservative", whatever that word means anymore, has never been about what makes me happy, what I desire or feel pleasurable about, nor has it ever been about some unseen reward waiting for me in glory someday or about the praise and adoration of elders or peers. My personal morals have been all about me and my soul and it's communication with a Holy Spirit from a crucified and resurrected Savior from a loving and merciful God.

Sexuality is a moral issue to me. Human sexuality in particular is very sacred, personal and life producing whether in the physical presence of children or the spiritual and emotional tangibility of making love. Just like the next young adult female, I innately want to explore and share my sexuality with another like minded human being. (This desire is normal for teenagers as well, however my teen years were spent focusing on my survival due to the trauma of childhood sexual assault. It was not until around two years of therapy as an adult that I realized my sexuality wasn't dirty or tainted but a natural part of being human.) It's a very tender, personal part of me and having not been able to completely engage with another in this way has led to frustrating and scary sadness. 

I don't make the decision of abstinence, until I am in a safe and mutually respected, responsible and loving relationship, lightly. It's downright miserable to choose the lifestyle entitled "virgin". It's not for those who have flippant, whimsical morals for they would just justify liaisons. Virgin shouldn't be a claimed status due to reserving one's body for another. Virgin should be claimed with power and dignity because one takes into account their own body, hopes, thoughts, feelings and dreams and says "no" to all that is manipulative and controlling and abusive. The reason for virginity isn't to satisfy the perverted ends of others. It's a choice for those who are looking to discover and embrace their sexuality on their terms. When I do decide to have sex, it will be because my thoughts, my feelings, my values and my body are cherished. It's really not un-lovability or brokenness on my part why I have chosen virgin, though it may feel like it at times. It's really a sad commentary that there are many like me and no other person has yet to treat those like me nor myself with the God given love we deserve, and would rather offer exploitation of our innocence based on their so called concern for our physical health and lust for our flesh. Don't offer to teach me lessons based on your perceptions and wants, rather find someone with your moral values and stop forcing me to be someone I'm not. How long I stay a virgin is not up to you or anyone else but me and my God.

Everyone's feelings of what comes "naturally" to them in sexual attraction is so diverse that it's such a flimsy argument to just go with whatever one feels his or her body desires. I have come to despise the labels of straight and gay and the logic behind going with whatever makes you happy. The Bible wasn't just written in the 21st century so it doesn't even address the concept of sexual orientation. God condemns sexual practices,  never the person and his or her orientation. With this mindset, heterosexuality has just as many moral issues as homosexuality. Sexual practices in the Bible are condemned because they stem from pride and lust and this includes defilement inside marriage, rape, pedophilia, incest, adultery, pornography and fornication. This is a huge list of opposite gender disparities as well as same gender disparities.  Christians say the Bible says and God says blah blah blah a lot, including myself. This is just my rant of how this culture and more importantly to me, church culture, is lifting up heterosexuality as the answer to America's problems. Genesis 19 and Judges 19 show what a mess Israel made of their own women citizens by believing this lie. While I believe it is beneficial to search out one's sexuality, a person's sexuality is never the answer to identity or social issues. Looking inside oneself has benefits, for the soul resides in our inner thoughts, but sometimes searching and researching in outside sources lifts up a mirror to our most vulnerable self. My biased opinion is to reflect the Bible onto one's mind and heart for oneself and see what conclusions a body comes too. 

Intolerant Tolerance

I am intolerant.
I am intolerant of disrespect.
I am intolerant of harassment.
I am intolerant of abusive behavior.
I am intolerant of dishonesty.
I am intolerant of harmful behavior in my personal space and the space of others.
I am intolerant of treating human lives like trash regardless of age and location.
I am intolerant of media bias.
I am intolerant of the redefinition of words.
I am intolerant of the vilification of groups of people.
I am tolerant of opinions, preferences and choices of other people because I tolerate living at peace with all men but when another's behavior inflicts pain and discomfort on my world, my community, my neighbor and myself I become intolerant out of the dignity and sanctity of the rights of living souls.

Sunday, April 24, 2016

April 2016 Sexual Assault Awareness Poem

I Am Not Your Sacrificial Lamb
by Rebekah S. Palmer

alabaster worm leering
in my face
"put your mouth over it"
I tell him no
afraid he is going to
pee in my mouth
my five year old mind
DOES NOT UNDERSTAND
what is happening
he keeps begging
promises he won't pee
in my mouth
I decide to do what
he asks
just to get out
of spending what must be years
in this closet

I can't remember if this
happened one time
or twenty
I started letting
my feelings
drain
from my body
in these kinds of
situations.

at age FIVE
I was taught the lesson
a man's sexual desires
are ubiquitous

he pushes me away
and out
at the sound
of my brother's
footsteps
I work on forgetting
this ever happened
but as I grow older
too many comments
by too many boys
bring me back inside
that dark closet
dank, putrid sweat
is still in my nose
after all these years...

I start to speak out
only to be silenced
because adults are
embarrassed
confused
guilty
protective
shameful
insecure
oppressed
worried
well...

now I'm the adult
and I'm telling
sharing
revealing
writing
opening
undressing
my life
no secrets

at age 5...a teenage babysitter
at age 11...a teenager on a school bus
at age 16...a male teacher feigned concern over my disabled body
at age 21...the head deacon of a radical denomination forces fondles
at age 24...a male peer demanded sexual activity
at age 27...online requests and harassment for sex
at age 28...a date refuses to stop when told no

authorities need to stop predators
from using their victims as
an excuse for their sins


 https://twloha.com/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ra-Om7UMSJc

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ocDlOD1Hw9k